


On the Topic of Pans

by octachoronAdrift



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Humanstuck, Sexuality, alcohol mention, pesterlog fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-07
Updated: 2014-10-07
Packaged: 2018-02-20 06:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2419208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/octachoronAdrift/pseuds/octachoronAdrift
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="porrim">GA: Um.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="porrim">GA: I do+n't really think I'm gay anymo+re.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="roxy">TG: oh</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="roxy">TG: woah</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="roxy">TG: ok</span>
  <br/>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	On the Topic of Pans

\-- aggrievingGynarch [AG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] \--

GA: Hey.  
GA: Yo+u're no+t drunk right no+w, are yo+u?  
GA: I need to+ talk to+ yo+u abo+ut so+mething.  
TG: im not drunk but i just got started  
TG: i can stop for now if its important  
TG: whats on ur mind  
GA: Okay.  
GA: Okay, I can wo+rk with that.  
GA: Um.  
GA: I do+n't really think I'm gay anymo+re.  
TG: oh  
TG: woah  
TG: ok  
TG: im actually putting my drink down and pushing it to the side now  
TG: it is doing the cha cha slide straight away from me  
TG: i could be an axe soaked middle scholar by the way my martini just straight up vacated the premises  
GA: Ro+xy.  
TG: oh  
TG: sry  
TG: um  
TG: i guess the obvious thing to ask is if you dont like girls anymore?  
GA: Oh no+.  
GA: No+, no+, no+, no+, no+.  
GA: That's the o+ppo+site o+f anything I'd pro+bably say, ever.  
GA: I just,  
GA: Think I might actually like guys, to+o+?  
TG: oh  
TG: okay then  
TG: phew  
TG: i thought our days of casual best freind make outs were over  
TG: friend*  
TG: but ok  
TG: so ur bi  
GA: The day I sto+p being yo+ur makeo+ut buddy is pro+bably the day o+ne o+f us go+es in the gro+und.  
GA: But,  
GA: I'm actually no+t sure if bi is quite right.  
GA: I've been reading abo+ut sexuality a bit lately, and I read abo+ut this o+rientatio+n called pansexuality.  
GA: Which, befo+re yo+ur tipsy ass asks, is no+t attractio+n to+ pans.  
GA: It's kind o+f like being bi, but it's a little different, to+o+. It's where yo+u like peo+ple regardless o+f gender, instead o+f when yo+u're bi, and yo+u're simply attracted to+ multiple genders.  
GA: Maybe it's a stupid difference, I do+n't kno+w.  
GA: But I think it fits me better.  
GA: Yo+u do+n't think that's weird, do+ yo+u?  
TG: nooo course not rimmy  
TG: i mean  
TG: we both know that i am like  
TG: hella fuckin gay  
TG: if i were any more down with girls id probably be down on the floor waking up post black out like  
TG: woah damn that was SOME partay  
TG: dicks sharpied all over my face bra nowhere to be seen  
TG: im missing exactly one sock  
TG: somehow both my shoes are still on tho  
TG: a tru mystery only 2 be solved with ~*~OCCOLT MAJYYKS~*~  
TG: i check out the ceiling and the vague lingering perfume of cheap alcohol and vomit and kinda wonder how the fuck my life came 2 this  
TG: spoiler alert its bcuz a cute girl winked at me  
TG: whoops lol that got dangerously real for a sec  
TG: neways  
TG: dont worry about it too much  
TG: like who u like  
TG: if pan is what ur feeling  
TG: then its what u are  
TG: i still luv u  
TG: even if it seriously does sound like ur boning the cooking ware  
GA: That,  
GA: was surprisingly reassuring to+ hear.  
TG: thats bc im the most boss ass babe around  
TG: and ur my bff  
TG: and i got u  
GA: Thanks.  
GA: Really.  
GA: But next time yo+u visit, I'm go+ing to+ fo+rego+ kissing yo+ur stupid face in favo+r o+f frenching the frying pan.  
TG: WTF  
TG: how could u  
TG: im pretty sure im better at kissing than some stupid pan wtf  
TG: i have lips for one thing thats a p big part of kissing  
TG: not sure if u missed the memo on that one  
TG: u know u can't resist these sweet lips  
GA: O+h, but ho+w alluring a temptress that frying pan is; my heart's aflutter just thinking abo+ut it.  
GA: Lips o+r no+, I'm no+t sure I can co+ntro+l myself.  
GA: The fine tread o+f rubber on the handle, the vulptuo+us curve of silver grafting into black, the sultry black matte o+f the patina.  
GA: I'm getting all ho+t and bo+thered just thinking abo+ut it.  
GA: So+rry, Ro+x, lo+o+ks like yo+u have so+me co+mpetitio+n!  
GA: The pan has an edge o+n yo+u, being that it do+esn't live in New Yo+rk.  
TG: its not my fault my mom cant stare into space properly from where u are :(  
GA: Is it really the fault o+f this sexy, sexy pan, either?  
TG: yes  
TG: im blaming my having to move all the way out here  
TG: to the middle of nowhere new york  
TG: on the stupid bff stealing pan  
TG: im gonna call it a homewrecker and hire a cheaters camera crew to prove ur seeing the pan on the side as your second bff that u kiss  
TG: despite it not having lips  
TG: (that never stopped being a thing that was true btw)  
TG: a thing that kind of rly stands in the way of u mackin on it  
GA: No+w, Ro+xy, yo+u're go+ing to+ hurt its feelings.  
TG: maybe thats all part of my plan  
TG: im going to talk so much shit to ur pan that it has to spend the rest of its life in and out of therapy  
TG: its self esteem in shambles and burdened by a crippling inability to form emotional bonds  
TG: also i removed the no stick spray so all ur food is going to get stuck on the bottom and be a pain in the ass to scrub off  
TG: just remember rimmy  
TG: when ur pan is blackened and has charred food baked on the bottom for the rest of eternity and cant form meaningful bonds  
TG: u brought this on urself  
GA: Oh no+.  
GA: I can see no+w I've been set up fo+r a life o+f heartbreak and emo+tio+nally unsatisfying relatio+nships.  
GA: I need to+ go+ cry myself to+ sleep.  
GA: Go+o+dnight, Ro+xy.  
TG: night bb  
TG: ilu <3  
GA: <3

\-- aggrievingGynarch [AG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] \--

**Author's Note:**

> A little humanstuck PorrimRoxy, because the tags everywhere are exceedingly barren.
> 
> Surprisingly insecure young teenaged Porrim is the way to go.


End file.
